Super Mario Bros. # 4

 By Mark Rodriguez

Sometime before the release of Super Mario Bros 3 and the cartoon related to it, Valiant Comics released 2 comics (Super Mario Bros and Adventures of Super Mario Bros) based on the plumber heroes. The comic is slightly different from the cartoons that were airing at the time. The most noticeable differences being that we see Princess Toadstool's father in the comic, Wart from Super Mario Bros 2 occasionally makes appearances and the Koopalings are referred to by their in-game names rather than the name changes they received in the Mario 3 cartoon. Nowadays these comics are very hard to find without paying insane prices, but I was lucky enough to get this one for only 15 bucks at the Steelcity Con a few years back. Let's take a look. 

"Beauty and the Beach" starts with Mario, The Princess and Toad on a small boat in the middle of the ocean. The Princess asks Mario if 'three hour tours' usually take two days. Mario says to ask Toad since he's in charge of navigation, but he's too seasick to be of any help. The Princess sees some fish swimming around them and she calls for them. The fish are angry and jump up to try to bite the crew. Just then a huge wave hits the boat and washed them onto an island. 

Mario, the Princess and Toad are all wet and they meet another mushroom guy named Moonfungie, who offers them dry clothes in his shack. He tells them to follow them since his boss doesn't like 'drips' on his island. Toad asks who this boss is as they walk past a sand sculpture that looks like King Koopa. Mario says if he wanted bad jokes, he would have stayed at home with Luigi.

The Princess changes into a swimsuit and asks Mario if he's changed yet. He says he's still wondering about this boss, as there seems to be something about him that he can't figure out. As he says this the area has statues of Koopa, Koopa shirts hung out to dry and even Koopa dolls for sale. The Princess complains that her swimsuit doesn't have ruffles, and Mario and Toad don't like their new outfits either.

Moonfungie says it's time to work and a bunch of mushroom people all head out, each one carrying bombs. Mario asks one of them where they're taking the lit bombs to. They explain they're taking them to the volcano to make it hotter and to scare away the fish that keeps chomping up their surf boards. Mario tells The Princess they're not dealing with rocket scientists here. Just then their boss calls out, telling them he's waiting for his lunch. 

Naturally, the boss is Koopa, with a Hawaiian shirt and a Hawaiian drink. The Princess asks why he wants to make the volcano hotter than it already is. He says Fry Guys are hard to make, so he plans to have the mushroom people make the volcano hot enough for it to erupt and turn them all into Fry Guys. The Princess says that many Fry Guys can be used to attack the Mushroom Kingdom.

As the volcano reaches its critical point, King Koopa makes his leave and tells them they can enjoy his island. Mario says they'll probably only get to enjoy it for 10 minutes. Koopa says 'five, but who's counting?' and he heads off.

The Princess tells the Mushroom People they have a boat and that they can save at least some of them, but they don't understand that their lives are in danger. The Princess asks Mario if he can build some sort of water pump. Mario says barely, but it's too risky and they really have to go. The Princess confirms that the water pump can be done as she starts collecting bamboo shoots. Mario asks why they should risk their own necks since the Mushroom People got themselves into this mess. The Princess says they're nice people and that's what nice people do. Mario says he hates it when she makes sense.

Four minutes later Mario finishes the water pump with one side going into the volcano. The volcano is set to blow as Mario opens up the water pump. Koopa is on a boat, sailing away when he turns back to see what the heroes are up to. Mario's water pump pours water into the volcano, cooling it down.

Moonfungie and the rest feel ashamed that they were tricked by Koopa so easily due to their love of surfing. The Princess asked them what they learned, and Moonfungie says that there are things more important than surfing. The Mushroom People enjoy themselves in the water filled volcano and say that Jacuzzis are more important. The Princess rolls her eyes and Mario says it makes them glad to be the good guys.

"Fins and Roses" opens with Wendy O'Koopa floating on an inflatable chair along with a bunch of weapons she stole from her father's arsenal. She risks getting grounded if Koopa finds out but she has her own spy network informing her that Mario will be making his way there in 14 minutes.  

Wendy pulls out a bomb and is ready for Mario's arrival. Suddenly Stanley the Talking Fish arrives and falls in love with her. Wendy tells him to go away and Stanley considers the bomb a gift for him. He takes it and dives into the water to get her something in return. Wendy dives after him saying with 14 minutes left, she can spare some time to strangle this fish first. Stanley picks some flowers, getting out of Wendy's way and making her crash into a wall.

Wendy yells out that she wants Stanley when suddenly something grabs her, telling her to get her own boyfriend. This is Big Bertha and she smacks Wendy with her fin, making her fly back to the surface and land on her chair. Stanley returns to bother her and Wendy grabs a bazooka and starts blasting away at him. The fish takes to the water.

Wendy grabs a spear and dives underwater to finish the job. She is shocked to see that Stanley has arranged an underwater concert for her. Wendy says she's at a loss for words, so she'll use visual aids and starts blasting everything with her bazooka. Big Bertha comes back and snaps the bazooka in half, asking why she is ruining the orchestra that Stanley made for her. Wendy offers to tell Bertha the truth about her boyfriend and Stanley makes a break for it.

Stanley finds Wendy's floating chair and makes himself comfortable. Wendy is once again knocked into the air, saying some people don't like the truth. She lands on top of Stanley. Just then, Mario is swimming by. Wendy grabs her bazooka and only has one shot left, but one shot should be all she needs. Stanley gets in her sights and Wendy doesn't care anymore, firing the torpedo at Stanley instead of Mario.

Stanley goes underwater and runs into Bertha, and they both get blasted by the torpedo. Stanley tells Bertha that Wendy has been trying to steal him away from her. He shows her the bomb from earlier and says she even tried to bribe him with it. Bertha angrily swats the bomb out of the ocean with her tail. Wendy looks around to make sure she got Stanley when the bomb lands behind her and blows up.

Wendy is lying in the water and Mario asks if she's ok. She feels bad that she was defeated by Stanley and Mario says he's met him too. They both go into a warp pipe that takes them elsewhere. Mario says they can declare a truce for ten minutes. He'll buy her a Koopa Cola and they can say mean and nasty things about Stanley. Wendy says she'll go first. 

My Opinions- 

Well, this was a blast from the past and I actually remembered owning this comic back in the day when I read the second story. Like I said the comic pretty much follows its own comedic tone, though a lot of it relies on 'everybody's an idiot' in some way or another. It's kinda odd how the Koopalings kept their in-game names but Bowser is still called King Koopa. 

The comic is for kids, so almost every panel has some sort of extra joke, pun or visual gag. It would take me forever to list them all though some of the jokes are kinda morbid. Toad is so eager to stop feeling seasick, he'd rather drown. One of his lines was 'you know, drowning's a good cure for seasickness'. Damn Toad, what the hell? And then there's the very morbid implication that Fry Guys aren't living fireballs, but people literally set on fire. What the hell, comic??

So who did Wart sacrifice to make this guy?

The art is kinda all over the place in terms of the characters being on model, but King Koopa looks straight out of the cartoon and Wendy looks like she does in the Mario 3 instruction manual.

The first story was alright, though I wish we saw a bit of action, or at least as much action as Mario allows. Mario and the Princess pretty much just let Koopa walk off and leave them to their fate. 

The second story was bit more entertaining as we see Wendy face someone else that isn't Mario. Stanley the Talking Fish is a weird character that was just made up for the comic. As you can tell, he's a bit of a player and just gets himself and others around him in trouble. I'm very confused why they wasted time with this character though. Even though the Mario cast wasn't as huge back in the 90's as it is nowadays, they could have had a Cheep Cheep or some other similar Mario character with that personality if they really needed that. 

I'll keep an eye out for more Mario books, as long as they're not going for insane ebay-ish prices. It's the perfect time to Do the Mario as we're on the verge of the upcoming Super Mario Bros movie in theaters.